Biggest Negotiating Mistake 98% Of Sellers or Buyers Make

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Whether you’re a Seller or Buyer, do you wish you could say that magical thing to make the other side understand you, see it your way, pay your price, or accept your offer?

Have you ever tried to get someone to give in to what you want them to do? 

Tried to compromise with your spouse, partner or significant other? 

Tried to get your children (or parents) to see things your way and listen to you or do something you wanted them to do?

The biggest mistake people make is believing they can tell someone else to do something they don’t want to do. 

I often hear Buyers say: 

“Tell them our budget is only XXX”

“Tell them we want to renovate so they should accept our offer”

“Tell them we are from the same religion or ethnic background so they’ll accept our offer” 

I often hear Sellers say: 

“Tell them we need as much money as possible because we are getting divorce or retiring or putting our kids through college.” 

First of all, the truth is EVERYONE buying or selling wants to keep as much money as possible in their own bank. Nobody wants to leave money on the table. Or give it away to a stranger. 

But as a Certified Negotiator I can tell you with 100% certainty that you can’t play the guilt card or sympathy card. You can’t make someone else want to give up their own money because you deserve it more. 

And even if it’s not about money, consider hostage negotiators for the Police of FBI. 

They don’t grab a megaphone and yell “Hey, you better come out with your hands up and release the hostages because a lot of people out here will be sad & cry if anyone gets hurt in there”. 

They sympathy or guilt thing isn’t a valid strategy. 

I also one met a Realtor years ago who told his clients he negotiates like a Pitbull for them. 

He even showed me how he clenches his teeth and shows them his facial expression.   

Problem with that is bullying & intimidation rarely works. 

Having said that, I obviously wouldn’t be in business if my clients didn’t know I was negotiating FOR them rather than against them. 

So what is the BIG secret to negotiating successfully that 98% don’t realize?

The secret to negotiating is uncovering the opponent or other sides motivation. 

Understanding WHY they want to sell a product, buy a product, move, or do whatever it is you’re trying to negotiate. 

It’s kinda like Poker. You can’t slam your cards down and say “Ok everyone, I think my hand should win this round because I haven’t won all night!” 

Or “Ok everyone I think my hand should in because you all play Poker every week and this is my first time in 20 years so I’m rusty!”

No … you try to calculate or figure out what cards they might be holding. 

You want their eyes, facial expressions, and body language and try to read them. 

Thankfully in real estate and many other things in life it can actually be a lot easier than that. 

The secret is asking questions.  The best negotiators ask the best questions. 

And alternatively, the best negotiators know the best answers when they’re being asked by their opponent LOL. 

I love the saying “There’s a reason we have two ears but one mouth. We should listen twice as much as we talk if you want to understand someone”. 

This actually holds true in negotiating, relationships, and many other things in life. 

The other saying I think is true is: “The problem is most people listen with the intent to respond, instead of the intent to understand”. 

So let me give you a great example to illustrate. 

A few years ago I had a buyer making an offer on a condo. 

The buyer had a limited budget. The condo was honestly listed way over price for the market. 

I first asked the other agent various questions before offer time. 

She told me her client was totally unreasonable, and she couldn’t reason with him. 

She told me he is an Actuary so he’s a numbers guy all the way. 

I met my client in the lobby, and said here’s how it’s going to go. 

We are going to start with this amount because I want to go back and forth a couple of times. I’m going to try to go back and forth 2 times then bring it home on the 3rd time.

Why? Because each time I go upstairs to sit in front of them I get Intel. 

I ask questions, I listen, and I observe.   

First trip up I sit down at the dining room table with the other agent and her 2 Sellers, their 2.5 year old twins, and 4 month old baby. 

Sure enough, the husband opens his laptop and shows me his spreadsheets. 

He’s trying to prove to me why his condo is worth more than buyers are willing to spend. 

First I don’t want friction. I want him to trust me and feel comfortable. So I said I totally understand his #’s. 

For the record I’d never lie or mislead people. His numbers actually did make sense. 

Problem is the “market” didn’t agree and while his numbers make sense, if nobody will pay the price, then it’s simply not worth what he’s asking. 

I told him this. I said you have a lovely home and I agree with the numbers but unfortunately I’m not buying it. And unfortunately you’ve been on the market 90 days because buyers won’t offer you your price. 

I went down to the lobby to let them chat. 

We had two signbacks back and forth. Each time I went up and chatted with them. 

Here is what I ascertained from my 2 or 3 visits. 

He is hellbent on his spreadsheet. 

But the wife is exhausted with looking after 3 infants, nap times, keeping the condo showing beautiful, always taking the infants out for showings, interrupting nap times. 

Oh yeah, I also found out they bought already and closing was in 4 weeks, and if they didn’t sell they’d have to carry 2 properties indefinitely. 

I didn’t win that deal because I bullied the husband with my numbers better than his. 

I didn’t win that deal because I talked louder, or made him feel sorry for my buyer. 

I won that deal because I looked at the wife on the 3rd visit that night, after getting my intel, and said Mrs. so and so. 

It just doesn’t look like any other buyers are willing to pay your asking price (or the amount my client is offering here and now) for that matter. 

Wouldn’t it be nice if you signed these papers, and starting now, your babies can sleep uninterrupted, you can start packing and you both don’t have to worry about selling before your new house purchase closes?

I saw her kick her husband under the glass table and they accepted our offer. 

The moral of the story is I found out what is important to them. 

WHY they’re moving, WHAT THEY WANT more than a few thousand dollars, and they felt like I heard them and understood them. 

The lesson here is ask questions, find out why they’re doing what they’re doing, or not doing what they’re not doing, and what’s most important to them. 

And then respond so that they see the benefit to them. 

In other words, you can’t TELL people what to do. You must inspire them to want to do something for themselves.

Guilt, sympathy, or similar interest rarely inspire people to give in. 

Oh yeah, and the other thing is always try to deal with the decisions maker. 

Of course, in real estate we can’t deal directly with another agent’s clients. 

But in the good ole days (pre-Covid) when we could actually present an offer (or receive an offer presentation in person) the client could sit there and communicate with their agent by their side. 

In bidding wars, and electronic offers these days we can’t see & ask & probe for motivation. 

So we must try to understand their motivation through their Realtor and hope they convey messages back and forth properly. 

Thankfully, that still works between 2 good negotiators. 

So remember that selling is not telling. 

The person who talks the most dominates the conversation. 

But the person who asks the most questions …. controls the conversation!

If you want to know more secrets to negotiating the sale (or purchase) of your home, I’d be happy to chat with you. 

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